The book Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting out of the Box reveals how to handle experiences in work and personal life. Composed as a parable, the book gives insight on how people perceive others as objects as opposed to seeing them as people. It introduces the concept of self-deception that occurs because of being “in the box” and this limits people’s potential as well as hindering individuals from seeing others as people with their own aspirations and dreams. The book analyzes the issue of “self-betrayal” which means acting contrary to the sense of what is right and how one should behave towards others. The author cites, “Self-betrayal is the germ that creates the disease of self-deception” and this blocks people from seeing others as people. The book further, adds that, when people are “in the box” they view others through self-justifying images that they have created. It becomes evident that such self-justifying images expand as a person focuses on blaming others and focusing on oneself, instead of thinking about others (The Arbinger Institute 14).

In applying the concepts of this narration in the workplace, it requires moving out of the box to allow efforts that achieve success. In simple, the author clarifies that, it is impossible to accomplish any viable results when “inside the box,” where people focus on themselves. In essence, being “inside the box,” creates problems such as blaming others, conflict, stress, lack of trust and poor teamwork which causes failure in the workplace. The author declares that, to be successful as a leader, a person needs to free oneself from self-betrayal and create an environment “outside the box.” This book proves to be an invaluable resource to better leadership skills and achieve success at work (The Arbinger Institute 144).

Chapter 1: Bud

The book Leadership and Self-Deception opens with Tom Callum having landed a job at Zagrum Company as a manager of one of the company’s product lines. Four weeks into the job, Tom had to be introduced to a management ritual that was typical to new managers. The ritual involved spending a whole day in a meeting with the company’s Executive Vice President Bud Jefferson. While walking to the meeting place, Tom had an air of confidence because he felt that he had an impeccable performance in the month he had spent in the company. He arrived at work the earliest, left the office the latest and focused on his work. Tom ensured that he worked hard to outshine his coworkers who might compete for his position in the future and, therefore, he felt confident meeting with Bud. In the meeting, Bud revealed to Tom that he had a problem that he would have to solve if he wanted to succeed in Zagrum. The news shocked Tom as he had prepared to receive good news on his performance in the company (The Arbinger Institute 3).

Chapter 2: A problem

Bud discloses to Tom that he has a problem and everyone around him such as his spouse, friends and coworkers know it. Additionally, he tells him that, the problem is that Tom does not know he has a problem. Bud gives Tom examples of particular issues he may not be aware that they are problems. He cites that Tom may at times have parked his car in a place he should not and leaves in a hurry to indicate he has matters that are crucial to warrant parking in the spot. In other instances, Tom may have let a colleague at work do something that he knew could land him/her into trouble and ignored offering any warning (The Arbinger Institute 7).

Bud asks Tom how he deals with people whom he perceives as incompetent in his line of work. Tom admits that he tries to get them to change their attitudes, cautions them and directs them on the right path. Bud asks Tom if he feels that he has to ‘put up’ with employees he sees as incompetent. Tom indicates that it may be true that some people may be lazy and incompetent. Tom feels that he coaxes some workers, outsmarts others, and gets hard on others though he indicates many do not respond well to criticism. He admitted that he has learned to remain cool and in good terms with most of the employees. Bud asserts that, by assuming that he treats the workers well, Tom does not realize that, that is where the problem lies. Bud concludes that Tom does more damage than offering help to such employees. Bud promises to show Tom how to understand his problem and what he is required to do about it, because even him, Bud, he has a similar problem (The Arbinger Institute 8).

Chapter 3: Self-Deception

The chapter begins as Bud narrated to Tom about his experience when his first child was born. Bud begins by citing that he started work as a lawyer in one of the prominent companies in the country. He was working on a financing project that involved more than 30 banks, a complex project that includes many other lawyers. His work required drafting huge documents, and only a week into the job, his wife became pregnant. By the time the baby was born, Bud had wrapped up and assigned most of his assignments so that he could get three weeks off to spend with the new baby. However, a few days into the leave, Bud was called back to work for urgent matters and had to leave his family against his wishes. On reaching the work in a new city, San Francisco, he was not familiar with most details of the project; he was isolated to work in his own floor while others worked together, and with challenging memories of having left his young family. He also realized that most of the information happening on the other floor office was crucial to his work, but he could not go there often, and additionally, no one informed him about the food being availed to employees (The Arbinger Institute 12).

Bud remembers there were instances he got reproached on account that he was inaccessible, and he was asked questions regarding the project that he was not familiar with at the time. Bud admitted he was not committed and engaged in the project otherwise, he would have been aware of most of the things happening. He also indicated that at the time, he felt he was working hard given the challenges he had recently faced. First he had to work having left his family, worked long hours to catch up with the project, had not been informed of basic food plans, and even had to work alone while the rest worked in the same office at a different floor (The Arbinger Institute 13).

Bud discloses to Tom that, however, the bigger problem is that he was not aware of his problems. He felt he was working hard, even though, he was disengaged, uncommitted and had not understood the vision of the project. Bud discloses that he did not realize these problems that he had posed on the company. Bud explains to Tom that the name for the blindness he exposed working in San Francisco can be termed as self-deception or “being in the box.” The concept of self-deception is being unaware of having a problem and, therefore, remaining “inside the box.” He argued that this phenomenon means a person sees things in his/her own perspective and resists any other revelation otherwise. Bud concludes by telling Tom that, at Zagrum, the main focus is to eliminate individuals and organizational problem of self-deception (The Arbinger Institute 13).

Chapter 4: The Problem beneath Other Problems

In this chapter, Bud describes to Tom the story of Semmelweis a European doctor working in Vienna General Hospital faced with difficulties on identifying why women in the maternity ward were dying. The disease he identified as “childbed fever” killed 1 out of 10 women in the maternity, and all the research he conducted could not bear fruits. Finally, Semmelweis took a four-month leave in which he visited another hospital to try and find answers. On returning, he found that the mortality rate had decreased significantly. He investigated the research conducted by the doctors on cadavers or corpses for medical research. The result indicated that the doctors working on maternity, himself included, spent a lot of time researching on the cadavers and germs from these bodies was being transmitted to the maternity mothers. The doctors were instructed to wash hands thoroughly using chlorine-and lime solution before attending any patients, and this reduced the death rate to 1 out of 100 (The Arbinger Institute 20).

Bud indicated that a similar germ keeps spreading in companies and organizations destroying leadership and teamwork. He cites that the germ can be found, isolated and neutralized in organizations. The germ he describes is the self-deception or “the box” that becomes a disease. He adds that, just like the realization of the cause of childbed fever, the discovery of the cause of self-deception can ensure growth of organizations (The Arbinger Institute 20).

Chapter 5: Beneath Effective Leadership

Bud describes his experience working in Sierra Product Systems after leaving the law firm ten years later. Sierra was acquired by Zagrum Company while he worked there, and he joined Zagrum as part of the executive group. Bud reveals that in his first meeting at Zagrum, he was given numerous assignments, which he completed expect one. It was late, he was tired, and since he had been working hard on all the other assignments, he felt that the last one seemed inconsequential to the meeting they were to hold the following morning. During the meeting, Bud tells how he reported of his accomplishments and recommendations in the assignments. He informed the team that due to a shortage of time and obstacles he faced, he could not complete the final assignment. Lou Herbert, the then president at Zagrum, turned to the vice president, Kate Stenarude and informed her to take the assignment to the next meeting. The meeting continued to other reports, and no one paid any more attention to Bud, which left him feeling humiliated and unworthy. When the meeting ended, and Bud was leaving the room, Lou approached him, and told him that they valued his contribution to Zagrum, but hopes he will never let them down again. Bud finally, admitted that he was not offended by Lou’s remarks about “letting the company down” because he knew that Lou cared about him, and he wished him well. He gives Tom an example where he apologized to his wife Nancy without meaning it, and she refused to accept the apology. Bud concludes from this example that, people can detect others feelings feeling towards them and detect when being manipulated, unappreciated or even outsmarted (The Arbinger Institute 23).

Bud clarifies that employees know the opinion the leader has of them, and this influences how they react to his/her recommendations. Lou declares good leadership occurs when others feel that the leader has a good opinion of them just like Bud felt about Lou. He adds that, leaders like Lou inspire motivation, commitment and even devotion in other people. However, Leaders like Chick Staehli whom Tom revealed never cared or appreciated his juniors; do not inspire others because people resent them. Bud adds that, even if such people have the right skills, they need something deeper to become effective leaders (The Arbinger Institute 28).

Chapter 6: The Deep Voice That Determines Influence

In this chapter, Bud tells Tom that, people respond to what others feel about them from the inside. He gives an example of a time he was flying from Dallas to Phoenix, and since there were few unused seats, Bud took a seat near the window and placed his briefcase on the immediate seat from him so that no one can come near him. Bud concludes that he realized that his behavior exhibited his opinion of other people as objects and did not deserve to be near him. On another example, he was travelling with his wife, and they could not find a place to seat together. A woman offered her seat for them since the other next to her was empty, and she took one of their seats. Bud explains that this woman did not value herself as better than others, and saw people as people instead of seeing them as objects. Bud adds that his behavior of seeing other people with needs and wants secondary to him made him self-deceived. He was self-deceived because he could not see the problem he had of perceiving others as less or secondary to him. Bud clarifies that the woman who offered them her seat is “out of the box” because she values the needs and desires of others. Tom also adds his own example on how he treated a woman badly for having used his conference room, which he felt he was entitled to, without his permission. He refused to listen to her and ignored her apology, to which he concludes he viewed her as an object, not as a person with needs or desires. Bud concludes that, that is the “self-deception” that ails many people in organizations (The Arbinger Institute 33).

Chapter 7: People or Objects

Bud adds that the woman Tom refused to acknowledge and mistreated for using his conference room is Joyce Mulman. Tom defends his position that he had the right to show Joyce that it is wrong to use and erase his notes from the conference room without asking. Bud admits that is true, but adds that it depends on whether Tom was in the box or out of the box when he cautioned Joyce. Tom agrees he was inside the box when he reprimanded Joyce because he saw her as a nuisance or an object (The Arbinger Institute 43).

Tom tells Bud that it seems unrealistic to always see people as people in the workplace where decisions have to be made fast. Bud and Tom agree that behaviors appear “hard” when a person is inside the box and “soft’ when one thinks outside the box, which makes it unrealistic in a business setting. However, Bud clarifies using Lou’s example where he reprimanded and almost embarrassed Bud in front of others for not completing the assignment. Lou was “hard” in telling Bud that he should not let them down again, but his behavior was out of the box and, therefore, Bud benefitted from the discussion. On the other hand, Tom was hard towards Joyce and his behavior was exhibited inside the box that made Joyce uninspired to work with Tom. The idea is to make decisions while outside the box in order for a leader to encourage motivation and inspiration to others (The Arbinger Institute 45).

Chapter 8: Doubt

Tom used his break with the intention of apologizing to Joyce for his actions. He made apologies to his secretary Sheryl and later to Joyce. Tom felt that he needed to make a call to his wife Laura too because their relationship was deteriorating, and he felt he could now think outside the box. However, after speaking with Laura he felt that she was the one inside the box, and he began having doubts about the lessons he was having with Bud. He began to get angry that the self-deception and thinking or acting “outside the box” appeared unrealistic to the business world. As he was headed to the next meeting with Bud, he heard his name called and realized it was Kate Stenarude (The Arbinger Institute 53).

Chapter 9: Kate

Kate Stenarude had been the vice president of Zagrum until Lou Herbert retired, and she was promoted as president and Chief Executive Officer (CEO). Kate explained to Tom the importance of the daylong meeting that each executive manager undergoes at Zagrum. Tom expressed his doubts about the “outside the box” concept when dealing with someone who is inside the box. Kate explained that being outside the box does not mean perfection on the part of the individual, but instead it is a way of bettering systems (The Arbinger Institute 60).

Chapter 10: Questions

Tom met with Kate and Bud in the same conference room where he explained to them what he had learned so far. Tom recited the information about self-deception, inside the box and outside the box experiences learnt earlier. Tom said he was unsure about some of the information and he remembered the phone call he made to Laura. He tried to inform them about the experience of someone who pushes a person into the box and how it can make it difficult to handle such people. Bud cited that Tom needs to understand how people get “in the box” (The Arbinger Institute 63).

Chapter 11: Self-Betrayal

Bud narrated a story to Tom and Kate when his son David was an infant. Bud heard David wailing in the middle of the night and thought he should go and try to calm him down and let his wife Laura sleep, but he did not do that. Bud calls this scenario “self-betrayal” which defines an act that is contrary to what one feels he/she needs to do for another person. Bud continues that acts of self-betrayal causes people to have negative feelings or prejudice against other people. When a person betrays him/herself, one begins to see the world in a manner that justifies the self-betrayal. For example, from this scenario Bud felt his wife Lara must be lazy, insensitive, bad mother or bad wife for not going to stop the baby for wailing. He also saw himself as a victim, important, good father and a good husband because he works hard all day and, therefore, his wife should be responsible for the baby. Bud claims that he did not feel such faults towards Nancy when he first thought of attending to the baby (The Arbinger Institute 68).

Chapter 12: Characteristics of Self-Betrayal

Bud shows Tom that he began to see Nancy in a bad light after he had betrayed himself. He cites that even though Nancy may be inconsiderate and lazy in reality, he began to see her faults after he betrayed himself. He concludes that, when people see themselves in self-justifying manner, their view of reality gets distorted. A person amplifies the wrongs of others in order to justify oneself as a good person or the victim. In addition, Bud declares that when a person betrays him/herself, it invokes “self-deception” and the person enters the box. Kate added the characteristics of self-betray which she notes, occur after betraying oneself, which leads to self-deception. The characteristics include inflating the faults of other people, expanding own virtue, inflating the value of the things that one uses to justify self-betrayal, and also blaming (The Arbinger Institute 77).

Chapter 13: Life in the Box

Bud argues that, as human beings, we keep betraying ourselves in many instances of our lives. In essence, with time these self-justifying images become characteristic of a person’s life, which form boxes that people carry around. When the self-justifying images become part of a person, it becomes hard for that person to notice personal faults and only sees the mistakes of others. In other words, a person gets into a box toward a particular individual and, therefore, one would not have feelings to listen to logic from that individual. This made Tom think about his own situation in his marriage, and he felt he might be inside the box towards his wife Laura (The Arbinger Institute 83).

Chapter 14: Collusion

Bud added that being in a box can have a huge impact on the other people around. He claims that being in the box invites others to be also in the box. For example, if one is blaming others, he/she invites others to also blame him/her. Kate gives Tom an example of how she blames her son Bryan for being irresponsible, and Bryan in turn blames Kate for being a dictator. Kate discloses that when one is in the box, they find ways of looking for justification to blame others. For example, despite how a person in the box blames others for poor behaviors, such an individual gets satisfaction when that poor behavior occurs because one gets the justification that he/she was right about the other person’s bad behavior. In this way, Bud concludes that in the box, people call for a mutual mistreatment and gets mutual justification, and therefore, colludes in proving each other reason to remain in the box (The Arbinger Institute 93).

Chapter 15: Box Focus        

Tom begins the discussion by indicating that being inside the box causes conflict and gets in the way of productivity in the workplace. Bud explains further that, Zagrum uses the concept “what-focus” to describe the things people need to focus on outside the box, which is results. They also have “who-focus” which argues that people inside the box focus on personal gratification, but those outside the box consider the needs of others. Kate adds that, being inside the box eliminates creativity, teamwork, and sharing as people seek justification. This need for justification causes collusion of blames, and people are unable to work together to generate production. Bud adds that the problem becomes like germs that spread in the organization (The Arbinger Institute 109).

Chapter 16: Box Problems

Bud stated that self-betrayal causes people problems such as lack of commitment, poor motivation, conflict and communication problems among others. He added that finding a solution to the self-betrayal that ails many people at workplaces, means the solution to such people problems. In simple terms, self-betrayal is the root cause of self-deception, which in turn results to symptoms of poor commitment and stress among others. Bud gives an effort of failing to assist a co-worker in need as one of the self-betrayal problems in the workplace. The meeting ended that afternoon, and Tom went home hurriedly to speak and apologize to his own son Todd and wife Laura. He had realized his self-betrayal problems that had him self-deceived and he needed to organize his personal life (The Arbinger Institute 113).

Chapter 17: Lou

The next morning, Tom came into the conference room ready for a meeting with Bud to finish up the discussion from the previous day. Tom was surprised when a few minutes later an elderly man introduced himself as Lou Herbert the retired CEO of Zagrum company. Lou inquired on Tom’s experience from the previous day and the things he had learnt. Tom explained his beautiful night he spent with his son Todd and his wife Laura after applying the lessons he learnt. Bud joined them a few minutes later and was also excited to learn that Tom had learned a lot from their meeting. It was Lou’s turn to share with Tom his legendary work at Zagrum that led to the growth of the company (The Arbinger Institute 123).

Chapter 18: Leadership in the Box

Lou begins by narrating his trying times dealing with his son Cory when he was a teenager. Cory engaged in many unacceptable behaviors including drinking and abusing drugs which landed him in jail. Lou explains that he felt humiliated by his son, and he remained distance with him. Cory got into trouble after leaving jail and this time, his parents decided to enroll him in a program in Arizona to get straighten. Lou explains he wanted Cory gone to avoid further humiliation, but in Arizona he and his wife were introduced to a program that Cory would learn. Though skeptical at first, Lou later learned a lot from the program and how to stop self-deception and get out of the box. He realized his personal life, and his leadership skills at Zagrum were in shambles because even the most trusted employees were leaving. The Arizona program got him thinking on how to get out of the box and organize his life, as well as the company (The Arbinger Institute 126).

Chapter 19: Toward Being Out of the Box

Tom begins by posing the question, how does one get out of the box? Lou answers that, at the moment when a person has feelings of wishing to get out of the box toward another individual, means one is out of the box. For instance, when a person regrets a mistake, he/she gets out of the box. This means that one stops seeing the individual as an object and instead appreciates the other as a person. Lou says the secret to being out of the box requires asking oneself, how does one remain out once he/she is out of the box? Tom concludes by stating he wishes to understand how he got out of the box in the first place (The Arbinger Institute 131).

Chapter 20: Dead Ends

In order to understand how people get out of the box, Lou states that it is good to realize how one cannot get out of the box. He argues that trying to change others does not assist in getting out of the box because the problem lies with each person individually. Trying to cope with others does not also work because it means one puts the blame on others. Leaving and communicating the problem does not also help because one carries the problem with them. Lou also says changing one’s behaviors does not help because the individual is thinking inside the box and any changes made would be distorted by the problem of being inside the box. Changing personal behavior means focusing on oneself instead of others and, therefore, it means thinking inside the box. The chapter concludes as Tom tries to find out how one gets out of the box in the first place (The Arbinger Institute 133).

Chapter 21: The Way Out

Bud confirms to Tom that the self-deception occurs when a person creates resistant towards others’ feelings, and that is why it would be impossible to get out of the box focusing on oneself. He adds that people change immediately they stop resisting the things outside the box, which means “others.” By stopping to resist others, the people outside the box, this frees the self-justifying messages. Lou also clarified that there are instances where a person may be outside the box towards some people and inside the box towards others at the same time. The outside of the box moments offer assistance and clarity to try and get out of the box towards these other people. Even though one may have an outside of the box attitude towards some people and inside the box towards others, the existing outside of the box attitude helps in questioning a person’s personal virtue and this initiates change in a person. Lou said, by question one’s virtue towards others helps in seeing them as people and not as objects. In order to stay out of the box, Bud added, a person needs to avoid self-betrayal by honoring others. Bud concludes that being out of the box does not burden a person, but instead frees one from self-deception (The Arbinger Institute 146).

Chapter 22: Leadership Out of the Box

Lou informs Tom that, people blame others in the workplace for failure to get results or productivity because they are inside the box. Tom cited that there are people who deserve to be blamed such as his boss at Tetrix, who used to be egoistic and self-centered. Bud, however, informs Tom, that it would be wrong for a person to excuse personal role in a problem by blaming others. In this way, in blaming his boss from Tetrix, Tom wanted to feel good about himself and justify that he was right. Bud adds that, it is for that reason a leader who is in the box makes it possible for others to get into their own boxes. When a leader is out of the box, people choose to follow him/her because they are motivated and secure. Such a leader becomes successful because he/she becomes free of self-betrayal. Bud gives Tom and Lou an example of how he made a mistake working in a law firm, and his supervisor did not blame him, but took responsibility for her mistake in the project. Bud says that, the supervisor ensured that they did not focus of blaming each, but learning from their mistakes by being out of the box. Lou remembered how he had messed up before he joined the program in Arizona and after the clarity, he went to find Kate (The Arbinger Institute 155).

Chapter 23: Birth of a Leader

Lou narrated to Bud and Tom, how after leaving the Arizona program and having learnt about self-deception, he felt he had to make changes. He began by visiting Kate who had left the company after Lou arrogantly demanded they remove a ladder she needed for the sales department. Lou asked a custodial staff to get rid of the ladder and three days later, Kate and other four staff left the company. Lou did not care at the time but, after leaving the Arizona program, he went straight to the company store, found the ladder, and went to see Kate at her home. Kate was scheduled to begin a job in another company, but Lou apologized and asked her to join him again. Lou explained to Kate about the program, and he asked her to help him spread the word about getting out of the box in Zagrum Company. Kate promised to think about it and call Lou once she made up her mind (The Arbinger Institute 167).

Chapter 24: Another Chance

Lou informs Tom and Bud that Kate accepted his offer and came back to Zagrum, where they began working on the out of the box program. At first, the program faced mistakes and difficulties among the workers, but slowly it became to stepping stone for their success. The workers, managers, and leadership learnt how to avoid self-betrayal and get out of the box, which generated accountability and results for the company. Lou concludes by telling Tom that, his son Cory became successful in the programs, and they managed to appreciate each other more (The Arbinger Institute 171).

Work Cited

“The Arbinger Institute” Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box. San Francisco, California: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2010. Print.