Of all the tragic experiences a parent must endure the death of a child is ranked by researchers as the most horrific ordeal. A 1980 research done by Sanders paralleling the bereavement levels in people who have undergone the death of a child, spouse and parent, the study highlighted that heightened reactions to grief among those who have undergone the death of a child. The demise of a child affects the parents on many aspects: as a partner, as individuals and as an active member of the community. The inclusion of fatigue and anxiety adds to the complications of sadness which affects communication with other family members and in relationships (Toller and Braithwaite, 2009).

Grief as understood by a 1998 study done by Emmons, Colby and Kaiser can be compared to the obliteration of an individual’s “adoptive world”, in addition 1970 Colin Murray Parkes describes the “assumed world” as a total representation of what the person knows or assumes they know. The extent of a parental grief after a child’s demise has been predicted by some to last upwards of a decade, while other scientists accept that the grief can last indefinitely. There are negative implications to an extended parental grief that is both physically and mentally that stretches well into midlife (Rogers, Floyd, Seltzer, Greenberg and Hong, 2008).

It is with this understanding that this article will look at the impact a child passing away has on the parents as individuals and as couples. It will highlight how people implement different ways of coping and a search for meaning to change this crisis into the ideal situation for the individual’s personal development and for a rejuvenated purpose for life. To effectively bring out the main role of the article bereavement and grief is defined. Grief is described as the procedure of felling the physical, social and mental behavioral reactions to the notions of loss (Rando, 1993).

Although in adulthood crisis incorporates both male and female, research points out that specific styles of grieving, gender and coping with the demise of a child. According to Toller and Braithwaite 2009, study on berieving parents, mothers recognized the relevance of showing their loss through shedding tears and talking about the demise. Mothers expression grief can be explained as the outcome of the level mothers are staking on their overall parental roles. Manifestations of emotions can be slightly hard in a mother’s loss experience of a stillborn child when community support may be limited or absent because of the inability of community to identify the death and birth as an important event. Parents belief of support from friends, family and medical staff may be structured in their own understanding of the loss and values which oppose the help they actually get Cacciatore (2010). In addition in 1963 Shainess analysis challenged that childbearing that results in the demise of the child not only has the ability to destroy the self-image of a woman but also may change how she communicates with others.

Research done on 2005 by Li, Laursen, Precht, Olsen and Mortensen has shown that if compared with mothers that don’t bereave; the latter were more prone to attend first time inpatient psychiatric care. The potential stayed notably higher for more than five years following the demise of a baby. In addition it has been noted that bereaved mothers of a still born child experience higher anxiety levels up to 3 years after the loss as compared to mothers that had children that were alive (Radestad et al. 1996).

Following the demise of a child grieving mothers often are uncertain with their capability of being successful in motherhood. Within the family setting children are also impacted by the death of a baby when the grief of the parents makes them unavailable to their emotive needs. A study interestingly found that the demise of a child continues to impact future generations (Cacciatore, 2010). Adult’s daughters of mothers who underwent a miscarriage in the study conveyed fear during their own prenatal period, in addition to anxiety, guilt and grief in parenthood that affected attachment with their own children. Various strategies may be implemented by mothers to handle the death of the child. In a research done on 47 grieving mothers showed that 21% accepted using illegal drugs and alcohol as a means of coping, while 45% of them turned to self-harm. It was indicated by all the respondents that demise of a baby had greatly changed their identity (Cacciatore, 2010).

Male and female do not always undergo grief following the death of a child in the same way. It’s generally not new for fathers to experience societal messages that support male role of strength that support bravely the mother after the demise of a child (Aho, Tarkka, Astedt-Kurki and Kaunonen, 2006). These messages, not supprisingly may explain why studies have identified that men are more prone to denying loss or grief silently while hiding or suppressing their feelings. In 2001 Colsen did a research on father’s reaction to child loss; it analyzed unconscious and conscious responses to loss. The study identified that some fathers had distinctive reactions to grief in the unconscious while refusing consciously the presence of grief (Aho, Tarkka, Astedt-Kurki and Kaunonen, 2006).

Several studies, in analysis of the research have shown that fathers use physical activity sa copying means of grief as well as to exercise control over their emotions (Toller and Braithwaite, 2009).   In addition to the physical pain feelings, often experienced due to the physicality associated by men’s grief, fathers recognize prolonged and strong feelings of anger, guilt and bitterness after the loss of a child directed at God, themselves and caregivers. In a study on parent adjustment following the death of a baby showed that the interviews done on the fathers were slightly longer as compared to those of the mothers (Barrera et al., 2009).

As shown in the analysis centered on material grief, different research have agreed that the fathers grief experienced is also increased by heightened alcohol intake (Aho, Tarkka, Astedt-Kurki and Kaunonen, 2006). In 1995 a study done in relation to psychological grief and gender difference reactions for grieving parents, research found that usage of alcohol in parents directly after the demise and up to three years later, was significantly higher than the control group who had not undergone the death experience (Vance et al. 1995).

After a child has died the parents may also have a commonly shared grief experience. In a research of parental adjustment six months after the demise of their baby, identified participants stated that they grieved a future without their offspring and that they would never see the baby grow up to accomplish future endeavors like their becoming parents, wedding or graduations (Barrera et al., 2009). Apart from the future accomplishments these same participants reported a desire of touching their children again physically. Some of the parents of the infants that passed away in the pediatric intensive care unit showed that they needed souvenirs to help them feel the connection with the child. The souvenirs ranged from a locket of the child’s hair to a stuffed animal (Meert et al, 2008). Analysis showed that the parent’s ability to form a continuous link with the dead baby through the usage of souvenirs is important to the parental experience of copying and bereavement (Barrera et al., 2009).

In addition to extending the link with the dead baby, parents have extra problems in setting up differences and commonalities in grief within the spousal affiliation. From retelling the story of the demised child meaning is derived and this can be particularly challenging for the grieved parents who often feel that their social network is not responding to the death talk experience.

Parents alternatively may turn to each other as a means of support but this can also be hard since both of them are simultaneously experiencing the loss together. In 2009 Toller and Braithwaite did a study of grieving parents and discovered that they wanted to mourn with their partners while simultaneously indicating that they also needed space to be sad separately from their spouse. This research reported that it was hard for the parents to grieve together because of the many ways in which the partners and individuals expressed and even approached grief (Toller and Braithwaite, 2009). The fear of most of the grieving parents is on the statistical importance of divorce cases among affected parents. Although some studies show that after the demise of a child there is a higher rate of divorce, other studies despite the difficulties and methodologies in trailing divorced couples in order to have accurate data (Rogers, Floyd, Seltzer, Greenberg and Hong, 2008).

The long term stress and concerns evidence among the affected parents is a more shocking finding. Rogers, Floyd, Seltzer, Greenberg and Hong in their 2008 studies analyzed information from the WLS (Wisconsin Longitudinal Study) and discovered that the bereaving parents, on an average 18 years and in midlife following the demise of their baby, reported more signs of cardiovascular and depression problems than their counterparts not bereaved. These reports have identified that an approximate 83% of the grieving parents have within three years of their baby’s demise shown cases of depression.

These studies researchers concluded that the return to social, employment and family roles may point out complete recovery following the child’s death but recurrent depression episodes and health issues indicate internal struggles that may not be acknowledged and recognized by family or friends. This study furthermore shows that the ability to work was not better as time progressed since the demise and proposed that the grief after a baby’s death may result in prolonged health issues (Rogers, Floyd, Seltzer, Greenberg and Hong, 2008).

The affected parents do not find ways to manage and cope with the loss both as a couple and individually. Many of the parents report that the remaining children offer them a sense of determination and parents rechanneled their efforts into guaranteeing these children are finding effective means of handling their sibling’s demise. According to a 2009 research the surviving children presence at the period of demise to be connected with the marital discord with lower instances. In varied research many scientist have confirmed that the affected parents that do not have surviving children often demonstrated a strong urge to have other babies through pregnancy, fostering services and even adoption. The research in addition also indicated that the parents that had other children after the incidence had better mental states and better coping mechanisms of pain as compared to those who did not have (Barrera et al., 2009)

According to a research done in 2009 by Toller and Braithwaite many of the parents showed that although they underwent the pain differently than their spouses, they ultimately were able to emphasize and identify, even embrace the change. Affected parents who identified that grieving is different to each other and in turn gave their partners space to engage or grieve with others for support found that they were able to steer the diversities and still keep a healthy relationship. While an ability to heal and be open is encouraged within the therapeutic models, the 2009 Toller and Braithwaite research shows that evidence of health in grieving is available among the selective closedness. Nonverbal communication, in fact between partners is possible to create links in grief through   physical closeness, hand holding and expression through letter writing (Toller and Braithwaite, 2009).

Many of the parents have identified the significance to redefine themselves incorporating the wisdom they have acquired over the period as parents. Parents have defined the need for their child to be recognized and validated in a societal context, given relevance in order to help them in their capability to mourn that child. Other relevant relevance is the parent’s social network, family and friends acceptance to permit the affected parent time to mourn in their own way and speed. Grieving parents, finally integrate diverse support mechanisms to aid them in handling their children’s death. Most of the mourning parents recognized an eventual rejuvenated purpose to life, mostly linked with helping other affected parents and eventually give back to the community. Calhoun and Tedeschi in 2001 theorized that following the death of a child that people undergo a restructuring of oneself and beliefs surrounding important of the world.

The demise of a child has a thoughtful impact on the parents as couples and as individuals that create a problem in their operation through maturity. Grieving parents may experience positive or negative effects of the loss experienced following their child’s demise and these impacts will adversely be felt throughout their life.

Demise being an integral aspect of life is something that only those who undergo it firsthand can really attest to being at the very center of our very existence. Death reforms what we feel entirely about life and who we really are individually. Death even steals how a month, or year ends, our very perception of time or the celebration of new life touches us. Death creeps in and affects everyone it comes in contact with, while making us strangers to everyone (Ruffin, 2010, p.9).

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