Can couple of different religions survive a relationship?

Introduction

The concept of emotional intelligence and its rampant application in business and academic worlds can similarly be adopted in committed relationships or marriage. Publications and articles that have existed address indirectly aspects of emotional intelligence and very few addresses in details issues of marriage or love relationships. Yet there have been countless cases of couple differences and struggles in our world today. While most individuals desire to build satisfying love relationships many of us are perplexed by why it has become a struggle or how it rarely meets our needs. Scholars have stated that religion plays an important role as a predictor of numerous behavioral outcomes in couples’ social development (Bader, 2007). Thus, given that there is a formidable link between family life and religion, the dating patterns among youths who are brought up in religious homes will require thorough exploration. There is one concept that each one of us has in common: we come from a family which comes as a result of love which previously existed between two people. It can be a caring one, loving or abusive but regardless of the circumstance we all come from somewhere.

The family get-together can be a remarkable experience. Apparently for some this can be an unforgiving event or an individual family hell. When families of different backgrounds or religions get together, the consequences can be alarming or fulfilling. A family displays a turmoil and bundle of emotions we never can escape from. What happened to boundary-free relationships or love that minds no limit? For a longtime, some couples have allowed their family members to dictate for them on how to run their relationships; as a result they lose confidence over each other. It is without a doubt that couples can be in two different religions but their roles in a relationship have plainly lost its impact in society. Couples simply fall in love and forget that they need to be mindful of their partner’s religious background. Today couples view the aspect of religious differences not as a fact but as a problem. They use absurd ways to defend their identity at the expense of building a relationship on trust and acceptance.  Patterns of arguments; conflicts and discrimination get repeated overtime indeed there are growing signs that issues related to religion are not exhaustively handled amongst couples in love relationships.

Thesis statements

Religion can be a sensitive issue for some, and to spouses who do not share the same belief system. Sharing the same belief is a major contributing factor of successful marriages as opposed to religion which condemns a marriage. Couples of different religion can not survive in a relationship because of the differences that occur especially when they do not handle these issues during courtship. This research paper will explore the causes of separation and the mistakes couples make once they enter in a relationship.  Spouses find it hard to accept the fact that loving someone of a different background does not entirely depend on the religion but on the individual alone. Many relationships of mixed faith do extremely well but it can at times be a hard rock to crack learning how to respect each other’s different system of beliefs. The question of how to bring up children in a family where the spouse are of different religions remains a hurdle since it is a sensitive issue which when not tackled well prior before marriage would bring resentments and tension later on in marriage. Therefore, this paper will look in-depth at how interfaith relationships and adoption affects couples. Couples can be of different religion and at the same time they can be from different races or ethnicity. Races or ethnic groups have their own unique ways of handling matters for example, some African Americans way of worship differs from that of the Hispanics or whites. Therefore, this research paper will emphasize more on interracial dating and its impacts on couples of different religions. This paper will also look at the benefits that can arise when couples of different religions handle issues in a joint way.  At the end of it there will be suggestions and tips on how couples of different religions can survive in a relationship.

Research has indicated that numerous relationships break because of influence from family members (Jacobson, 2005). Parents often have problems of accepting the relationships and as result some couples choose to keep the existence of their partner’s a secret to them. Islam religion has it that a woman found dating a man from another religion other than Muslim is susceptible to being disowned or banishment from the community. Her name will be written off from the family’s list and she will no longer be regarded as one of the members. Some Muslim community tend to expel the woman from the society since she is termed as “unclean or a disgrace.” Such couples are threatened that they will not receive any blessings thus their marriage won’t work. Most couples have refrained from talking to their parents about their dating lives because they fear being rejected. Therefore, the aspect of love and acceptance is drained away at the expense of one person trying to please the parents or siding with family members. Couples often make mistakes when they are in a relationship and to live in denial about this can be a way of making a relationship to be characterized by nagging tensions, continuous arguments and resentments.

These mistakes range from ignoring your religious differences, thinking that sense of humor is all that it takes to survive in an interfaith marriage, failure to embrace the importance of respecting, dealing understanding and accepting your religious differences in your interfaith relationship, thinking that the only way to make things work is by converting your partner’s faith, not discussing issues about your children’s religious upbringing during courtship and later on marriage, lack of openness to examine how your backgrounds, cultures and religions have impacted or shaped your beliefs and attitudes, failure to embrace the common characteristics your religion may have, impounding your beliefs upon your partner to allowing friends and family to get involved in your interfaith marriage relationship. Dating couples ought to understand that religious affiliations are associated with beliefs about gender roles and household organization,sexuality,childrearing,marriage and other issue that evolve around domestic partners. When negotiating such issue couples from similar denominations find few points of contention as opposed to those from different religions (Atkins, 2008).

Scholars have indicated that there are rising causes and correlations of relationship quality by ethnicity and race amongst the Hispanics’ and Blacks (Blackman, 2005). In addition there has been reduced emphasize to the roles that religion play in impacting the quality of love relationships and marriages for Hispanics and Blacks or that which accounts for quality in ethnic or racial differences. Family researchers have for the recent years been focusing on the impact of religion in shaping quality relationships among cohabiting couples and married. Though some studies have indicated no report or have shown no linkages between relationship quality and religion most, most have indicated protective results of relationship quality as a result of religious involvement (Brown, 2008). This report is alarming since evidence has it that African Americans display themselves as religious than the Non-Hispanic Whites (Espinosa, 2003).

Yancey (2009) in his research on who dates interracially found that there were hardly any relevant love bonds between interracial dating and conservative Protestantism. Moreover, he investigated that the religious groups that were least likely to date interracially were the Catholics and conservative Protestants. Researchers have argued that, when an interfaith marriage is between a conservative and a protestant disharmony and dissolutions are bound to occur because spouses in such relationships are likely to be in massive disagreements and conflicts about relevant relationship and family choices affecting them. Other studies have indicated that, conservative Protestants and Catholics have exhibited the least desired attitudes towards relationships that are interracial within the social contexts of family relationships and Trans-racial adoption (Carter, 2002). Psychologists have argued that, relationships existing in terms of religiosity and racial prejudice are centered on whether a couple is hooked extrinsically or intrinsically to his or her religion. While high levels or religiosity are accompanied by racial attitudes that are negative, a true devout tends to be affected less than mere practitioners of religion for utilitarian purposes. Jacobson (2005) stated that, there existed an inverse proportion of those who support interracial marriage to that of religiosity and further reported that couples who attend church on a frequent basis were less willing to engage in dating relationships that are interracial.

Research has it also that the latter-day saints and Protestants are not obliged to date except that it should be done under the “right conditions”. Therefore, couples from different religions and races are advised to avoid getting too personal and intimate with any one person (Brown 2008). Blame shifting often occurs in relationships and studies have indicated that it is more rampant among couples of different religions. Bader (2007) discovered correlations existing between religious beliefs, socio-demographic factors and racial attitudes. “Women who are conservative Protestants often finger point African Americans for their economic inequality as opposed to women who are non-conservative” (American Piety, 2007, p 462).That couples often disagree in issues that are related to money but if there is no common ground or agreement between the two parties then matters only get worse. Protestants have a strong belief over tithe as opposed to any other religion in the world. Therefore, the two couples need to strike a balance over the budget plans on how to control finance keeping the tithing aspect in mind. Some religions naturally repel each other because there is lack of a common ground between the couples. Christians and Neo-Pagans are examples of religious people who can not easily get along with others (Bader 2007).

Studies have indicated that Christians are often angered by those who oppose their faith and may shut off their partners unjustly. Looking into it, different religions teach that it not proper to enter into a relationship with someone who does not have the same faith as you or one who does things that are against your will or desires. Couples who have the same faith and hold to strong religious values tend to invite controversies into their homes. God is not interested in religion but in relationships. “It is God’s desire for partner’s to value relationships other than religion since the latter is not bound to last forever” ( Family Relations, 2006, p 420). Relationships regardless of the religious differences are based on trust and support. Each individual has a part to play in any given relationship and is responsible for the success or failures that are bound to occur. However, many couples tend to compromise a lot while dating. For example they take each other for granted; they fail to understand each other’s weaknesses and strengths. Research indicates that, couples who fail to find a middle ground in solving relationship issues end up settling for the bare minimum. Surviving in a relationship regardless of the religious background depends solely on the couple’s ability to make subconscious decisions. These decisions range from assurance to acceptance. The least that is expected in a relationship is to accept someone once you have discovered their weaknesses or strengths but not to try and change them.

Some couples have expressed how racial factors in the religion sphere have been the measuring stick for any relationship to work. Others have gone the extra mile of adopting children of different races as a way of reducing the racial factor so that they can be accepted by the relatives. For example, there are many traditions that a partner might follow while others cannot .The question on how to raise the children, what traditions will spouses take from each other’s belief’s system and how it might affect the children, still remains.Trans-racial adoption has been a conflict matter and issue raised by most couples in different religions. The National Association of Black Social Workers (NABSW) in 1972 termed this as a form of “cultural genocide” and stated that white parents could not positively provide black children any identity or equip them with skills required to survive within a racist community (Carter, 2002). However, race scholars have stated that viewpoints towards marriage and interracial marriage may act as a leeway for race relations in the United States. “As social distance lessens between couples then individuals of different racial groups will be in a position to engage in marriage and dating. For some, if philosophy in matters of religion coincides with one partner’s respect of the other’s beliefs then tension are likely to arise” (Transracial Adoption & Foster care development, 2002, p 340).

The debate about attitudes towards interfaith dating and marital relationships has long been discussed and still contradicting results have been given (Jacobson 2005). Scholars have stated that, these negative attitudes about interfaith dating and marriage is highly evident among the highly religious that is those who attend church regularly and those who occupy an extreme social class position in society that is, the social elite. Couples who find out that they fall in this category always have it rough especially when one of the spouses comes from a rich religious background as opposed to the other who comes from a poor one.

Research indicates that couples who participate in joint religious activities or their religious patterns are linked then survival in such a relationship is guaranteed (Fincham, 2006). For example, couple who on a regular basis attend services together may be displaying their similar commitment to their relationship and faith. On the other hand, couples can be gaining a lot of inspiration and compatible feedback about family issues and relationship from religious advisors and mentors. Religious attendance can be leeway towards strengthening the bond of the couples through shared activities. Richer unions are likely to occur in homes of couples who exercise daily devotional practices together such as scripture readings and prayers (Fincham, 2006). However, the decision and choice to be in an interfaith relationship trickles down on how one person can respect the other’s choices. If it is indeed possible then the relationship is at high chances of flourishing. Most relationships do not survive because the aspects of religious beliefs were hardly discussed (Atkins 2008). However, mutual respect and great communication makes plays a huge role in a relationship.

Conclusion

Whether a relationship is bound to survive for a long-term basis or not depends upon the strength of the feelings involved and when the couples are putting extra effort in order to make things work. Relationships are built on trust and acceptance among other virtues like assurance. There is no perfect human being on this face of the earth no matter the religion we are all bound to hurt or be hurt by others. However, there is a lot one can gain as a result of being in a mixed religion relationship. Consequently, being with someone of a different religion broadens your perspective and teaches you how to accommodate the other person. Couple dating is exciting and at times the religious ties are not felt since the spouses are both blinded by love.

However, marriage and moving in together tends to open up a new avenue and the true person is being unveiled. It is advisable to talk in advance prior before entering into marriage and set boundaries and standards on how things will be. There needs to be agreement over certain factors such as family get-togethers and bringing up of children. Whatever background you come from there will always be some differences between you and your partner. The maturity comes when you both decide to put things into perspective by accepting that disagreements will be there and the only way to handle such issues is through talking and forgiving. Friends can also try to convince you on the basis of stereotype about a certain religion and give you negative feedbacks about your choice of partner at first. However, there is need for one to take the bold step and explain to them how you feel about your spouse, make a point of meeting your partner so that they form their own opinions based on the person other than religion. Always make an effort to learn about your spouse’s religion so that you can understand their point of view. You need to be careful on how you approach your partner because you can not afford to change them rather what it takes to make your relationship successful is acceptance. So the question remains, can couples of different religions really survive? The answer lies on the spouses themselves and the decisions they will make in order to see to it that their relationship however rocky it is works.

References

Atkins, D. (2008). Religiousness and infidelity: Attendance, but not faith and prayer,

Predict marital fidelity. Journal of Marriage and Family, 70, 407-418.

Blackman, L. (2005). The consequences of marriage for African Americans: A comprehensive       literature review. New York: Institute for American Values.

Bader, C. (2007). American piety 2005: Content and methods of the Baylor Religion Survey.       Joumal for the Scientific Study of Religion, 46(4), 447-463.

Brown, E. (2008). Religiosity and marital stability among Black American and White American   couples. Family Relations, 57, 186-197.

Carter-Black, J. (2002). Transracial adoption and foster care placement: Worker perception and    attitude. Child Welfare League of America, 81(2), 337-370.

Espinosa, G. (2003). Hispanic churches in American public life: Summary of findings. South         Bend, IN: University of Notre Dame Institute for Latino Studies.

Fincham, F. (2006). Forgiveness in marriage: Current status and future directions. Family Relations, 55, 415-427.

Jacobson, C. (2005). Contact in context: An examination of social settings on white attitudes       toward interracial marriage. Social Psychology Quarterly, 68(4), 387-399.

Yancey, G. (2009). Interracial families: Current concepts and controversies. New York, NY:        Rout ledge.

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